A Lesson from a Little Library
When I was between eight and twelve, I spent most afternoons tucked away in a small Chinese library in my hometown in Malaysia, waiting for my mom to finish work nearby. For a budding bookworm, it was paradise. One day, with the earnest confidence only a child can muster, I declared that I would read every single book in that library. It felt entirely possible. The small space was cozy, and the shelves did not stretch on forever.
I started strongly with the section near the entrance: historical martial arts fiction, also known as Wuxia. Then I moved on to science fiction – a small but intriguing collection, but somewhere in the folktales section, I paused. Not because I’d lost interest, but because I realized I wouldn’t make it. There were simply too many books to read!
Noticing my frustration, the librarian smiled gently. “You’ll never read them all,” she said kindly. “But if you tell me what you’re curious about, I can help you find the ones that are interesting and meaningful.” That simple act of reframing stayed with me. I didn’t need to read every book to master learning at the expense of the joy I got from reading; I just needed to find the ones that sparked curiosity and made a difference. It was my first quiet lesson in choosing excellence over perfectionism—one I often return to, both in leadership and in life.
What Perfectionism Costs Us
Perfectionism can appear as drive on the outside, but inside, it’s often fueled by fear—fear of not being good enough, of being exposed, or of failing. It isn’t about high standards but about protecting ourselves from judgment. As Thomas Curran, The Perfectionism Expert, explained in The Perfection Trap, perfectionism is not a measure of ambition; it’s a reflection of how much we believe our worth is conditional upon our performance. Jennifer Breheny Wallace, in Never Enough (a good book for parents to read), calls this the “mattering deficit.” When we internalize the belief that our value depends on performance, we begin to live guarded, anxious lives, measuring every step and second-guessing every mistake.
This mindset doesn’t just harm us individually; it seeps into our workplaces, our teams, and our culture. And contrary to what many believe, perfectionism does not drive better outcomes. Curran’s research reveals that, despite all the pressure and striving, perfectionism has “negligible to non-existent correlations with performance” across various domains, including school, sports, and work. In other words, trying to be perfect doesn’t help us succeed; it just exhausts us.

Why Leaders (and Parents) Should Consider Choosing Excellence Over Perfection
When leaders chase perfection, their teams often follow suit, hesitating to speak up, avoiding creative risks, and prioritizing image over innovation. However, when leaders model excellence, progress, curiosity, and resilience, they create an environment that fosters high performance. Excellence, unlike perfectionism, is a sustainable goal. It invites us to bring our whole selves to work, to learn from failure, and to permit others to do the same. It’s not about doing everything flawlessly—it’s about doing the right things well.
For many leaders, perfectionism can be an invisible burden. We may have been taught to overprepare, overdeliver, and overapologize just to be seen as competent. However, what our teams and organizations need most from us is not perfection. They need presence, permission, and authenticity. By separating our self-worth from our outcomes and releasing the fear of mistakes, we become the kind of leaders who inspire, not just instruct.
The Excellence Shift: A Simpler Path Forward
Here’s how you can begin leading with excellence, without burning out or dimming your impact:
• Pause for purpose. Instead of asking “Is this perfect?” ask “Is this purposeful and useful?” Good enough doesn’t mean carelessness; it means complete enough to create momentum and value.
• Model the messy middle. Share your process, not just the polished result. When your team sees that learning is allowed, they’ll step into growth more bravely.
• Know where perfect matters—and where it doesn’t. Precision matters in specific areas, such as flying a plane, performing heart surgery, managing external financial reporting, manufacturing, and supply chain logistics. However, in areas such as strategy, design, collaboration, crisis management, and culture building, creativity and innovation thrive when there is room to stretch, experiment, and grow.
Perfectionism can feel noble, but ask yourself: Is it serving excellence, or stifling progress? Consider the trade-off when you chase flawlessness at the expense of growth, trust, and meaningful relationships.
Final Reflection
There is no perfect life. To feel fulfilled, we don’t need to excel at every aspect of it—career, relationships, health, and parenting. My 11-year-old nephew recently won a piano composition competition. He titled his piece Fantasia in G Major: Celebrating Imperfection. I couldn’t help but smile at the title; maybe Generation Alpha already understands something we’re still trying to learn.
A fulfilled life isn’t lived in perfect lines. It’s composed in bold strokes, wrong notes, new harmonies, and unfinished pages.
So, here’s my question: What might become possible if you let go of perfection and choose to lead and live with courage, compassion, and excellence instead?
The views and opinions expressed in this content are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of any organization I am affiliated with.